Nothing is wrong

I acknowledge that I am scared.
I acknowledge that something is wrong with my body.
There is nothing wrong with my mind.

Or so you keep saying.

It has been quite an up and down turn of events around here, starting with Fluffy's apparent return from the dead.


I admit I was relieved and angry all at once. To think she made us believe she was dead. I still don't know the reason, but all was forgiven over time.

I don't know how you did it, beloved parents of mine, but I have resolved myself to the fact I will not be a mother anytime soon. Watching over Ravie has become next to impossible. It's not that she is a terrible girl; it's that she finds trouble to the point of it being a talent. She doesn't know the meaning of "dangerous" or "caution" and repeatedly runs off into fights she ought not be anywhere near. To top things off, I am among the few when telling her to avoid conflicts.

The males in her life seem to enjoy spurring her on and even praising her violence. It's pointless for me to try to help or care for a child that blindly listens to what she feels like hearing at the moment. Even when her mistakes get her in grave danger...she doesn't learn...

...and you're tired of caring.

Worst yet, I recently learned one of them is her lost biological father. I should be happy for Draven, that he found his daughter, but I can't. I only fear what she will become under the not so watchful eyes of a man who seems to prioritize women over responsibilities.

No, that's wrong.

He did save us, and he is fiercely loyal to the Pack...

You are making excuses for him?

Did I mention I failed you both...again?

Keeping her promise to recapture me, Dr. Nightfire did just so, and made me pay for my insolence. I was not alone however. She and her group had taken other hybrids, including my friends Lily and Fluffy. We were subjected to new experimental drugs meant to reverse and possibly remove the volatile genetics that make Hybrids what they are. The testing was excruciating and left Fluffy and Lily nauseous for days. I'm not sure what the after effects on their bodies might be. Draven, being a security guard of Ashagi, used his influence to get Lily out, but it took some time for him to save me and Fluffy.

So here I sit, earless and tailess under a shower, wondering about my life and the worth of said life. I should be happy, shouldn't I? Your human daughter is back to her original form, exactly how she was brought into this world. And yet, I feel naked now without them.



I find myself at odds. I've been having strange voices in my head, and terrifying flashbacks keep resurfacing. I would close my eyes and suddenly be standing under water with worried friend asking if I am okay now. My mind seems to unravel sometimes when I am unaware.

It has unraveled, #609.

Would Ashagi have come after the Pack if I had not been a part of them? They released Lily upon notice that she was Draven's lover. And Lithia gave hints that she would take Ravie as well if I didn't listen. If I went back...

What?

Dear God, what am I saying?!
I can't go back there. It's stupid to think Ashagi would just stop because they have me. Then again, I have said I would not go back before, and look what happened.

It's my fault.

yes, it is.